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Archive for November, 2010

Sleeplessness

It is just past 3 in the morning and I’ve been laying awake in my bed for over an hour now.  Evelyn woke up at 2, wanting to eat.  She nursed for about 10 minutes before she was too exhausted to continue.  And, though exhausted myself, I just can’t shut my mind off.

A few weeks ago at church, my friend Carrie spoke in Sacrament meeting.  She based her talk on one given in General Conference by President Uchdorf, entitled “Of Things That Matter Most.” I guess that is what I’ve been thinking about for the last hour- what matters most.  Carrie said she has something on her fridge that says “If you are too busy for family home evening, you are busier than the Lord ever intended you to be.” She went on to apply that to a other things we do- “If you are too busy to have family dinners…” “If you are too busy to go visiting teaching…” etc.

Business.  I’m feeling too busied.

I mentioned before that I’m struggling with Russian this semester.  Last semester was hard (being very pregnant and all) but I scraped by and managed to keep my 4.0 GPA.  Things aren’t looking so good this time around.  If I manage to pass my classes it will be due to the mercy of my professor rather than any progress on my part.  I started out alright, but as each day passes I need to be learning new vocabulary words, and they just aren’t sticking.  The amount I’m not understanding is compounding.  I feel like I’m losing a race with a monster who is growing larger and faster every day.

My reflections tonight are on the future.  What about next semester?  We will be learning a new case soon, and working on plurals.  I’m not sure that I can do it.  I feel incompetent… stupid… feelings I’m not used to.  I want my Bachelor’s degree so badly.  I remember as a kid thinking that my Dad wasn’t very smart because he didn’t get his degree.  I recognize now that that isn’t the case, and that instead it was about his priorities and preferences, but is it silly that I don’t want my kids to think that way of me?  My parents in-law both got degrees with small kids, why am I struggling so much with only one subject and one tiny little girl? I feel insufficient that others can do something I cannot.

And yet, I recognize something else.  My priorities, like my Dad’s were, are somewhere else.  I’m a Mom now.  I’m not willing to send my child to daycare while I study and go to class, because that is not my priority right now. Perhaps if I were further along, if graduation was in the foreseeable future, then I might consider that.  I want to be with Evelyn every minute, to talk to her and play with her and watch her grow and comfort her.

Right now I’m starting to wallow in the stress of my Russian struggles. That stress is starting to make  me irritable with my family.  I recognize now that I’ve been subconsciously adding more and more to my proverbial plate- adding more stress in order to try and push the Russian stress out.  I can’t do everything, and I certainly can’t do everything well.

If I’m too busy to be a happy, loving, doting Mom, then I am busier than the Lord ever intended me to be.

So, maybe school and I are done for awhile.  I can push myself and do my best to make it through my exams in the next 2 weeks, but maybe that is as far as I can push myself.  Maybe that is as far as I need to.  Perhaps I’m not going to be the linguist I wanted to be.

I’m willing to put that aside to become the Mom I want to be.

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New Soy & Dairy Free Page

If you look to the top of my site, you’ll notice I’ve added a tab for those who are looking for help with dairy and soy restricted diets.  I hope this helps someone, but regardless, I now have a visible cheat sheet for myself.

In other news- I’m still Heather.  And that means I’ve taken on too much, as usual.  Posting may be sporadic during the next couple months, and not just because it is the busy holiday season.

For one, I’m still struggling with my Russian.  This semester has been so hard, I never realized that people were serious about a baby taking part of your brain, but it is the whole-hearted truth.  For another, my mom and I are in charge of Thanksgiving dinner this year, because I wanted to be able to eat what was made and didn’t want to rely on someone else cooking and accidentally ingest something that I’m not supposed to, so I’m creating and adapting recipes.  I’m also getting ready for an ornament exchange or two and attempting to get those made.  Also, Steve is the President of the Russian club, and for their fundraiser this semester I’m helping them with a craft fair booth- including teaching them to make the crafts and having them over to my house to do so.

Finally, because I’m silly, I also decided that while I’m at it I will have my own booth at the craft fair, selling things that I am frantically spending most of my free time making.  Yikes!  For those of you out there who have done it, please share any advice you have for a first time craft fair vendor.  I think I’m going to need all the help I can get!

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We had a simple, fun Halloween this year.

In other words, we just didn’t have the time or energy to throw a party.

And now I’m going to show you how I made Evelyn’s Ewok costume, because there just aren’t any great tutorials out there.

1) Start with a teddy bear around the same size as your child.  I got this one for $3 at Goodwill.

2) Tear the stitches out along the back seam. I had to use scissors and a seam ripper for this one.

3) Unstuff your bear.  I left the stuffing in the feet and wish that I had left some in the hands, as well.

4) Laugh at your pathetic shell of a bear. Then cut in a U shape around his face, leaving the forehead piece in tact as shown.

5) Remove any hard parts to the face, such as the eyes and if the nose is plastic remove it, too.  Shove the face up inside. This will act as a cushion on top of the baby’s head and make it so you don’t need to add stuffing.

6) Sew a zipper into the back seam.

Now you have a teddy bear costume!

And a garbage can full of innards…

If that is all you want it works nicely, and even unhappy babies look awfully cute as fuzzy teddy bears.

But if it is an Ewok you are looking for, you’ll need a hood.

I had some extra red microsuede left over from recovering my dining room chairs which I wanted to use.  Unfortunately, none of the scraps were wide enough.  What I ended up doing was lacing two pieces together with a scrap of the same fabric. I then cut out a whole for the face and two ear holes, as shown below.

Once I put the hood on I decided to stitch the sides together with a single knot from to make the shape the way I wanted it.  Turned out pretty darn cute, if I say so myself.

She was the perfect accessory to join Han and Leia in their adventures!

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